Sometimes you just have to be in the right place at the right time. (With the right camera)
Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be one of the best!
Football FINALLY makes sense...
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I
really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents" Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What
do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! ' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's
only 25 cents!
Maxine On Border Control.
Sometimes I think Maxine should run for president. She was right on with this one!
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately: illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida. Not me. I concentrate on solutions
for the problems. It's a win-win situation.
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.?
+ Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.?
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border?
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today ? ?Yes!?
Think about this one:?
2. The Constitution?
3. The Ten Commandments???
C O W S ??
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in
the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow. ??
T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N ??
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ??.... Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it
T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S ??
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shalt Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians... It creates a hostile work environment.
This year's sand castles competition in Oregon . . . the best yet!
Pictures from their cross-country trip of our good friend and sometimes bandmate, Rez and his wife, Karen.
Sad But True.
I Wish I Hadn't Said That.
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators and others during the Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I Saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of The IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Old Jack Russell.
A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari in Africa , taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell named Killer, along for the company. One day the old Jack Russell starts
chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Jack Russell thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as
the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a near by tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old Jack
Russell sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the
leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending
he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says... 'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY!
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American
women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their
wife, and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America ! It is your patriotic duty to
pass this on.
Single Female Seeks Male Companionship.
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woo ds, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping
and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society...
Important Medical Information for Women.
Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
'ESTROGEN ISSUES' 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of you r jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
6. Everyone's head looks like aninvitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.'
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your b est time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of e very bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
This year's sand castles competition - stunning ...the best..
Young Chuck, moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have
some bad news, the horse died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody
he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a net profit
of $898.00.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.' Chuck grew up and works for the government.
Ain't it the Truth!
One of the greatest secrets of life is having patience...
Here's a safety tip from me before the holiday weekend.
REMEMBER WHEN YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU NEVER TO TAKE CANDY FROM A STRANGER....
...THIS IS THE ONE SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!!!
Caught 1-1/2 miles offshore while Fishing!
The Stressful Effects of Politics.
Why Camera Angle Is SO Important.
Translation of Joe Cocker's famous Woodstock performance:
Diamond Covered Mercedes of Prince Waleed:
The car costs $4. 8 million and if you want to touch it, you have to pay $1000. It belongs to Prince Alwaleed from Saudi Arabia.
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me: I loved you enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom, and
what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said
we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash
and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was
Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait
until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean moms!
PASS THIS ON TO ALL THE MEAN MOTHERS YOU KNOW.
(And Their Kids!!!)
The Harley-Davidson Facts
Catching Wild Pigs.
A chemistry professor in a large college had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab the Professor noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept
rubbing his back, and stretching as if his back hurt.
The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow
his country's government and install a new communist government.
In the midst of his story he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked, 'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?'
The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punchline. The young man said this was no joke. 'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs
find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence,
they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last
side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.
Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten
how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity.
The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening to America. The government keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such
as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc.. While we continually lose our freedoms --
just a little at a time.
One should always remember: There is no such thing as a free lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.
Also, if you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is
essential to your way of life then you will probably delete this email, but God help you when the gate slams shut!
In this 'very important' election year, listen closely to what the candidates are promising you !
Just maybe you will be able to tell who is about to slam the gate on America.
11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens That crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens From Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine,
meth, Heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S from the Southern border.
12. The National Policy Institute, 'estimated that the total cost of Mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an average Cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually! Over a five year
This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about Heart Attacks. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is
time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that
you have just consumed. It will ! slow do wn the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine.
Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack...
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line . You may never have the first chest
pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you
from a sound sleep.
Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive. A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll
save at least one life. Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.
How the Comedians on Wall Street Work.
How the markets really work (from 2007)
How did these comedians see it coming when financial reporters did not? If you don't fully understand what's happening in the financial markets - the cause and the likely outcome - this short video will
make it crystal clear.
Never, Ever Forget!
This Is Worth A Look.
"This commercial was done by a local kid. You have to watch the whole thing. When he finishes talking and walks away, you get a sense of how this could be the commercial of the campaign
season. Bob Cook and I were on the Lake County Republican Central Committee together. His son Joe returned from Iraq last year and I was at the celebration to welcome him home."
Hi, My son Joe just did a commercial for John McCain. Please pass this on. Thanks, Bob Cook
You Could Have Heard A Pin Drop.
When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans forIraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush.
He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever
asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.
During a break, one of theFrench engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.
What does he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and
can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water
from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.
We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
You could have heard a pin drop.
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a
large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans
learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?' Without hesitating, the American Admiral
replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the
customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.' The American said, "'The last time I was
here, I didn't have to show it. "Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.
Then he quietly explained, "'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.'
You could have heard a pin drop.
Here SHE is, the USS New York, made from the World Trade Center!
SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007.
Scenario : Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls
into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's
shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack. 2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called,
Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers
Scenario : Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark
shake hands and end up buddies. 2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark.
Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario : Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good
paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested
for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario : Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and
his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers
being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.
Scenario : Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock. 2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario : Pedro fails high school English .
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college. 2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that knowing English as a requirement for graduation is racist.
ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum . Pedro given
diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario : Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July , puts them in a model ai rplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die. 2007 - BATF, Homeland Security , FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism,
FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never
allowed to fly again.
Scenario : Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He
is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing. 2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy .
This should hit every e-mail to show
how stupid we have become!
The Second American Revolution!
Beauty of Mathematics.
1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321
Now, take a look at this...
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations
where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.
How about ACHIEVING 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little formula that might help
answer these questions:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P
Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
Just planning ahead in case Obama wins!
Oh, Oh...now what?
His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the
airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures
of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded. 'And I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
The Fourth of July - Early!
The C-5 pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the G.I.s the usual information regarding seat belts, parachutes, etc. Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy
your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan."
An old M/Sgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?'
When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'
'Yes,' said the Attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'
'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'
'That's another thing Sarge,' said the attendant,
'We No Longer Call It The Cock Pit... It's The Box Office'
IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT ENERGY SAVER LIGHT BULBS!