tack Men In Training.


tack It's A Redneck Thing!


tack Magician Ursula Martinez.

This was filmed in a Montreal Theatre, Not Sleazy, Just Amazing. Keep your eye on the red handkerchief…

click to watch video
(Nudity)


tack Why Moms Can Not Do Yoga.

click to watch video.
(Nudity)


tack I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.
  • Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
  • I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
  • I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
  • I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.
  • I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)
  • Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
  • I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!
  • I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
  • Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
  • I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
  • I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
  • I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
  • I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
  • I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
  • Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
  • Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
  • I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
  • I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
  • I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
  • And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
  • I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
  • I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
  • I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually AlQaeda in disguise.
  • I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
  • I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get an enormous phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
  • I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
  • Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my ass.
  • And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
  • I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

Have a wonderful day... Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with an unsatisfying sex life read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.


tack If a hurricane's a comin'- be prepared!

Redneck Hurricane Survival Kit:
  1. Toilet Paper check
  2. Bud Light check
  3. Keystone Ice check
  4. Budweiser check
  5. Red Dog check
  6. Misc. other bottles of alcohol check
  7. Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on checkcheckcheck

God love dem red necks!

redneck hurricane survival kit


tack Sweet.

sweetAll women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady! Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, "I outlived the bitches!"


tack Why Y? This explains it!

In its January 22, 2008 edition, the Quebec City newspaper, Le Soleil, had a topic about generations by age group. Generations are grouped as follows:

The Silent generation...people born before 1945
The Baby Boomers...people born between 1945 and 1961
Generation X...people born between 1962 and 1976
Generation Y...people born between 1977 and 1989
WHY 'Y'? A caricaturist explains it very eloquently below.

Why Y?


tack A Little Guy With A Problem.

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs the little guy's drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.'

'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.


tack Wow...this guy was as lucky as I was, eh?

Read Caption on 1st photo then look at second photo:

lucky

Look at the picture above and you can see where this guy broke through the guardrail, right side where the people are standing on the road (pointing). The pick-up was traveling from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail, flipped end-over-end, across the culvert outlet,and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which he was traveling.

Now look at the 2nd picture below...

lucky

If this guy didn't believe in God before, do you suppose he believes now?


tack Underwater Picture Taking.

YOU HAVE TO READ THIS FIRST BEFORE LOOKING AT PICTURE.

Family on holiday in Australia for a week and a half when husband, wife and their 15 year old son decided to go scuba diving. The husband is in the navy and has had some scuba experience. His son wanted a picture of his mum and dad in all their gear so he got the under water camera ready to go. When it came to taking the picture the dad realized that the son looked like he was panicking as he took it and gave the 'OK' hand sign to see if he was all right. The son took the picture and swam to the surface and back to the boat as quick as he could so the mum and dad followed to see if he was OK. When they got back to him he was scrambling onto the boat and absolutely panicking. When the parents asked why he said 'there was a shark behind you.' The dad thought he was joking but the skipper of the boat said it was true but they wouldn't believe him. As soon as they got back to the hotel they loaded the picture onto the laptop and this is what they saw:

shark

(Try and tell me you wouldn't have emptied your Entire digestive system right at the point you saw it) Would you have stayed to take the picture?? Maybe what saved them was that the shark wasn't hungry, they were in the water not on the surface, and there was no fear coming from them - only because they were not aware. Probably better that the kid didn't point for them to look behind them.


tack Some days you just cant win.

stuck


tack Food Art.

I can't even imagine having the time to do this!


tack The Secret of Kilts Revealed!

The guy sitting next to the Queen is priceless...

tack Check Out A New Lip Balm.

click here click here


tack Computer Alert!

If your computer does this when copying a file...

crappy virus

You KNOW it's been infected with some crappy virus!


tack Four Worms and a Lesson.


 
tack Stimulating the economy.

Everyone should ponder as they pump gas in their suv's and speed down the highway in their cars. Here's where your $$$ go. . .


tack Blue Angels from a different perspective.


tack Important information about women over 40.

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:

Andy RooneyAs I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!


tack Wise Lady!

Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC.

There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America . I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"

The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea , and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it."

Well said, eh?


tack WHERE TO BUY YOUR USA-GAS.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. READ ON-- Gas rationiing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it. It might even be good for us! The Saudis are boycotting American goods. We should return the favor. An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS. Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just buy from gas companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis. Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my friends. I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern oil.

These companies import Middle Eastern oil:
   Shell.......................... 205,742,000 barrels    Chevron/Texaco.........144,332,000 barrels
   Exxon /Mobil..............130,082,000 barrels    Marathon/Speedway..117,740,000 barrels    Amoco..........................62,231,000 barrels
   Citgo Gas comes from South America , from a Dictator who hates Americans. Do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18 BILLION! (Oil is now $90-$95 a barrel) The latest price is a record high ($105.00 a barrel)

Here are some large companies that DO NOT import Middle Eastern oil:
    Sunoco................ 0 barrels
    Conoco................ 0 barrels
    Sinclair................ 0 barrels
    BP/Phillips.......... 0 barrels
    Hess.................... 0 barrels
    ARC0. .................. 0 barrels
    Also: Pilot, Flying J, Love's, RaceTrac, Valero

All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and each is required to state where they get t heir oil and how much they are importing.


tack GOLD VS DOLLAR.

A very important lesson, indeed!


tack Fire Rainbow.

This is a fire rainbow - the rarest of all naturally occurring atmospheric phenomena. The picture was captured this week on the idaho/washington border. The event lasted about 1 hour. Clouds have to be cirrus, at least 20,000 feet in the air, with just the right amount of ice crystals and the sun has to hit the clouds at precisely 58 degrees.

fire rainbow


tack God parting the Heavens!

Would you look at this picture? It reminds me of that song 'He's got the whole word in his hands'. Photo taken in Kentucky.

God parting Heaven

Cara Winship sent this out it is called: God's hands. I took this picture on Hwy 30, traveling to London , KY. It has given me Strength in the times of trouble. I feel I should share it with the rest of The world. I hope it is an inspiration to you. It just goes to show what We already know.... We have a God and he's watching over us. I e-mailed this picture to News Chanel 36. I was contacted by Meteorologist John James. He said that this picture of the sky is Showing up, in all states, around the world. He wanted to know where I was from and where I took it. He saw a similar picture taken in Texas . He said this is amazing to him!


tack 8 Amazing Holes!

WELL I MUST ADMIT. I THOUGHT NUMBER 8 WOULD BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT IT IS.


tack I AM PROUD TO BE ONE OF THE 86%!

86%

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

Pledge of Allegiance

I was asked to send on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God! We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. I believe it's time we stand up for what we believe! If you agree, pass this on!


tack AMAZING EAGLE STORY.

freedom the eagleFreedom and I have been together 10 years this summer. She came in as a baby in 1998 with two broken wings. Her left wing doesn't open all the way even after surgery, it was broken in 4 places. She's my baby. When Freedom came in she could not stand. Both wings were broken, her left wing in 4 places. She was emaciated and covered in lice. We made the decision to give her a chance at life, so I took her to the vet's office. From then on, I was always around her. We had her in a huge dog carrier with the top off, and it was loaded up with shredded newspaper for her to lay in. I used to sit and talk to her, urging her to live, to fight; and she would lay there looking at me with those big brown eyes. We also had to tube feed her for weeks. This went on for 4-6 weeks, and by then she still couldn't stand. It got to the point where the decision was made to euthanize her if she couldn't stand in a week.

You know you don't want to cross that line between torture and rehab, and it looked like death was winning. She was going to be put down that Friday, and I was supposed to come in on that Thursday afternoon. I didn't want to go to the center that Thursday, because I couldn't bear the thought of her being euthanized; but I went anyway, and when I walked in everyone was grinning from ear to ear. I went immediately back to her dowl cage; and there she was, standing on her own, a big beautiful eagle. She was ready to live. I was just about in tears by then. That was a very good day. We knew she could never fly, so the director asked me to glove train her. I got her used to the glove, and then to jesses, and we started doing education programs for schools in western Washington. We wound up in the newspapers, radio (believe it or not) and some TV. Miracle Pets even did a show about us.

In the spring of 2000, I was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma. I had stage 3, which is not good (one major organ plus everywhere), so I wound up doing 8 months of chemo. Lost the hair - the whole bit. I missed a lot of work. When I felt good enough, I would go to Sarvey and take Freedom out for walks. Freedom would also come to me in my dreams and help me fight the cancer. This happened time and time again. Fast forward to November 2000, the day after Thanksgiving, I went in for my last checkup. I was told that if the cancer was not all gone after 8 rounds of chemo, then my last option was a stem cell transplant. Anyway, they did the tests; and I had to come back Monday for the results. I went in Monday, and I was told that all the cancer was gone. Yahoo!

So the first thing I did was get up to Sarvey and take the big girl out for a walk.. It was misty and cold. I went to her flight and jessed her up, and we went out front to the top of the hill. I hadn't said a word to Freedom, but somehow she knew. She looked at me and wrapped both her wings around me to where I could feel them pressing in on my back (I was engulfed in eagle wings), and she touched my nose with her beak and stared into my eyes, and we just stood there like that for I don't know how long. That was a magic moment. We have been soul mates ever since she came in. This is a very special bird.

freedom the eagle

On a side note: I have had people who were sick come up to us when we are out, and Freedom has some kind of hold on them. I once had a guy who was terminal come up to us and I let him hold her. His knees just about buckled and he swore he could feel her power coarse through his body. I have so many stories like that. I never forget the honor I have of being so close to such a magnificent spirit as Freedom's. Hope you enjoy this. Jeff


tack Gingrich: I'm deeply worried.


And we are more concerned about Global Warming!
Times have changed. We better get together as a nation. Soon!


tack Our Amazing Brain:
spinning woman

If you see this lady turning in clockwise you are using your right brain. If you see it the other way, you are using the left brain. Some people do see both ways, but most see it only one way. See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current. BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN.

Experimentation has shown that the two different sides, or hemispheres, of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking:

Left Brain:

  • Logical
  • Sequential
  • Rational
  • Analytical
  • Obejctive
  • Looks at parts

Right Brain:

  • Random
  • Intuitive
  • Holistic
  • Synthesizing
  • Subjective
  • Looks at wholes

Most individuals have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking. Some, however, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, schools tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain ones. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity.

If you stare at her feet she tends to switch directions faster. If you spend time watching the hip area it doesn't work too well.