Thank GOD for the plate glass in the door! And, wouldn't
this mess up your whole night if you were to take out the trash at the
wrong time? These are from a guy out at Watonga, Oklahoma. The pictures
were taken from his kitchen onto his patio deck. The critter was watching
his little kids playing on the kitchen floor! Watonga is about 25 miles
north of I-44 between OK City and Weatherford.
A FRIEND WITH A CAMERA CAN BE YOUR WORST ENEMY!
click here: I
Don't Do Windows.
do retired people do all day?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do
to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day I went
into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes,
when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving
a senior citizen a f***** break?" He ignored me and continued writing
the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing
another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a s---head. He
finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus. I try
to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It's important at my age....
How Do They Do That?
Click the house ->
DO NOT SWALLOW BUBBLE-GUM !!
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he
sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the
seat next to him. "No", he said, "the seat is empty".
"This is incredible", said the man. "Who in
their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, and
not use it ?" Somberly, the man says, "Well... the seat actually
belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed
away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we
got married in 1967."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't
you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take
the seat?" The man shakes his head, "No. They're all at the
They say the happiest days in life are the day you buy a
boat and the day you sell it!! Well, here's a good boat story!!
Joe and John were identical twins. John owned an old dilapidated
boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat
to a group from out-of-state who sank it. John spent all day trying to
salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and
most of the evening. Therefore, John did not know that his brother Joe's
wife had died suddenly that day. When John got back on shore he went
into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old neighbor
woman mistook him for Joe and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss.
You must feel terrible."
John, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell
no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing
from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like
old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the
back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her
hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. ;I guess what finally finished
her off was when I rented her to those four guys who were looking for
a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad.
But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at
one time and she split right up the middle!"
The old woman fainted.
to Tell the Sex of a Fly.
A woman walked into the kitchen
to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. 'What are
you doing?' She asked. 'Hunting Flies' He responded. 'Oh! Killing
any?' She asked. 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied. Intrigued,
she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?' He responded, '3 were on
a beer can, 2 were on the phone.'
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAWAII AND West Virginia:
here for West Virginia.
I fired My Secretary:
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking
up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would
be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a
present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy
Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids
will remember. My kids came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So
when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good
Morning Boss, Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least
someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked
on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside,
and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me." I
said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would
go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two
martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to
the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day..We
don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I responded, "I
guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to
my apartment." After arriving at her apartment , Jane turned to
me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the
bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake .. Followed by my wife, kids,
and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...On the couch... Naked.
Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The
Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome
here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do
so. " Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before
the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here
for 5 years. You may speak two words." Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard
bed." "I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We
will get you a better bed." After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine
was summoned by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister
Mary Katherine." "Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine,
and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister
Mary Katherine in to his office. "You may say two words today." "I
quit," said Sister Mary Katherine. "It's probably best," said
the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."
A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head
of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell
only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room,
the boy said to his manager, 'Some asshole wants to buy half a head of
lettuce.' As he finished his sentence, he turned tofind the man standing
right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered
to buy the other half.' The manager approved the deal, and the man went
on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with
the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people
who think on their feethere. Where are you from, son?' 'Canada, sir,'
the boy replied. 'Well, why did you leave Canada ?' the manager asked.
The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and h ockey players up
there.' 'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Canada.' 'No kidding?'
replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'
A FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When
she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before
she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It
was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had
an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking
to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and
a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff!
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like
you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All
of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While
he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A
passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple
of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I
give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I
need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't
had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead,
I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."
The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with
you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."
A fart it is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song......
A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , and deadly.
A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while......
A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.
But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget.......
Sweet old farts like you!
Kinda brings a tear to your eye - right?
A Blonde Lady
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego
when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man
walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered
the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be
spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got
two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo.
They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road
all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you
$100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of
the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off
they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving th rough the
heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde
walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to
the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off
the road and ran over to the blonde. What the hell are you doing here?" he
demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but
we had money left over---so now we're going to Sea World."
the Indians what happens when you don't control immigration.
Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee.
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly,
he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded
to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar
was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a
box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He
then asked the students again if the jar was full . . They agreed
it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it
into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked
once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous
. . . "Yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee
from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar,
effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students
“Now," said the professor, as the
laughter subsided "I want you to recognize that this jar represents
your life. The golf balls are the important things . . . God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions Things that if everything
else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter . . . Like your job,
house, and car. The sand is everything else . . . The small stuff." " If
you put the sand into the jar first," he continued . . . "there
is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will
never have room for the things that are important to you."
"So, pay attention to the things that
are critical to your happiness . . Play with your children. Take
time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play
another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix
the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first. The things that
really matter. Set your priorities . . . The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired
what the coffee represented. The professor smiled " I'm glad
you asked . . . It just goes to show you that no matter how full
your life may seem . . . there's always room for a couple of cups
of coffee with a friend."
I Thought you all might appreciate this . . .
- In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953,
about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded
up and exterminated.
- In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million
Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
- Germany established gun control in 1938 and from 1939 to 1945, a
total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves
were rounded up and exterminated.
- China established gun control in 1935. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million
political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up
- Guatemala established gun control in 1964. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000
Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
- Uganda established gun control in 1970. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000
Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
- Cambodia established gun control in 1956. From 1975 to 1977, one
million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded
up and exterminated.
- Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century
because of gun control: 56 million.
It has now been 12 months since gun owners in
Australia were forced by new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms
to be destroyed by their own government, a program costing Australia
taxpayers more than $500 million dollars.
The first year results are now in:
- Australia-wide, homicides are up 3.2 percent
- Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent
- Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44 percent)!
- In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with firearms are now up
300 percent. Note that while the law-abiding citizens turned them
in, the criminals did not, and criminals still possess their guns!
- While figures over the previous 25 years showed a steady decrease
in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed drastically upward
in the past 12 months, since criminals now are guaranteed that their
prey is unarmed.
- There has also been a dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults
of the ELDERLY. Australian politicians are at a loss to explain how
public safety has decreased, after such monumental effort and expense
was expended in successfully ridding Australian society of guns.
The Australian experience and the other historical facts above prove
You won't see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians
disseminating this information. Guns in the hands of honest citizens
save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect
only the law-abiding citizens. Take note my fellow Americans, before
it's too late!
The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind
them of this history lesson. With guns, we are 'citizens'. Without
them, we are 'subjects'.
During WWII the Japanese decided
not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED!
Their hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work nine or
ten months a year! It's time we put things in perspective and
for what they do... baby-sit!
We can get that for less than minimum wage. That is right. I would give
them $3.00 dollars an hour and only the hours they worked, not any of
that silly planning time.
That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 AM to 4:00 PM with 45 min. off for lunch).
Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their
Now, how many do they teach in a day... maybe 30? So that's 19.5 X 30
= $585.00 a day. However, remember they only work 180 days a year! I
am not going to pay them for any vacations.
Let's see . . . that's $585 x 180 = $105,300 per year. (Hold on! My calculator
must need batteries!)
What about those special teachers and the ones with master's degrees?
Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be fair, round it off to
$7.00 an hour. That would be $7 times 6-1/2 hours times 30 children times
180 days = $245, 700.00 per year.
Wait a minute, there is something wrong here!
There sure is, duh!
Make a teacher smile; send this to someone who appreciates teachers!
(Average teacher salary $50,000/180 days = $277 per day/30 students
= $9.23/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per student.)
Very inexpensive babysitter and they even educate your kids! Crazy!
Here SHE is, the USS New York, made from the World Trade
USS New York
It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World
Trade Center .
It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that
include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of
360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters
and assault craft.
Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite
, LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds
on Sept 9, 2003, "those big rough steelworkers treated it with total
reverence," recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. "It
was a spiritual moment for everybody there."
Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade
center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the "hair
on my neck stood up." "It had a big meaning to it for all of
us," he said. "They knocked us down. They can't keep us down.
We're going to be back."
The ship's motto? "Never Forget"
Optimal temperature for transmission 41 degrees, and relative humidity
was 20 percent
When one guinea pig gets the flu, his guinea pig pals get the flu too.
That might not seem like a big deal, but that one simple detail, hidden
in plain sight for more than 85 years, has lead to an answer to one of
the most persistent questions in medicine: Why does flu season occur
in the winter?
New Mexico, 1919
Peter Palese, M.D., had one of those moments when details connect and
a light bulb flashes on in the mind.
He was reading a scientific paper, published in 1919, about the horrific
Spanish influenza pandemic that caused at least 50 million pneumonia
deaths worldwide. The paper detailed the effects of the pandemic in a
laboratory in New Mexico where guinea pigs died of pneumonia.
That was Dr. Palese's light bulb moment.
Ethical problems prohibit the study of flu transmission from person to
person (you can't deliberately infect human subjects), and mice don't
transmit the flu from one to another. Why researchers never used guinea
pigs for such a study is unclear, but Dr. Palese immediately realized
After running a simple study to confirm that guinea pigs actually transmit
the flu, Dr. Palese and his colleagues at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine
in New York mounted a more ambitious study that included twenty different
experiments to determine flu transmission at various temperature and
humidity levels. Results showed that the optimal temperature for transmission
was five degrees Celsius (41 degrees Fahrenheit), and the optimal relative
humidity was 20 percent.
Dr. Palese's results also show that at 41 degrees F., the infected guinea
pigs duration of peak transmission was about 40 hours longer than that
of guinea pigs kept at 70 degrees F. There was no transmission of the
flu at 86 degrees F. and above.
Whether Democrat or Republican, I think you'll get a kick out of this!
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the
head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator
of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care
of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider
her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
check on him . He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door
locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed .
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think
I understand the concept of politics now. "
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you
think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep shit"
One detail that is never mentioned is that in D.C. there can never be
a building of greater height than the Washington Monument
With all the uproar about removing the ten commandments, etc, this is
worth a moment or two of your time. I was not aware of this amazing historical
On the aluminum cap, atop the Washington Monument in Washington, D.C.,
are displayed two words: Laus Deo.
No one can see these words. In fact, most visitors to the monument are
totally unaware they are even there and for that matter, probably couldn't
Once you know Laus Deo's history, you will want to share this with everyone
you know. These words have been there for many years; they are 555 feet,
5.125 inches high, perched atop the monument, facing skyward to the Father
of our nation, overlooking the 69 square miles which comprise the District
of Columbia, capital of the United States of America
Laus Deo! Two seemingly insignificant, unnoticed words. Out of sight
and, one might think, out of mind, but very meaningfully placed at the
highest point over what is the most powerful city in the most successful
nation in the world.
So, what do those two words, in Latin, composed of just four syllables
and only seven letters, possibly mean? Very simply, they say "Praise
be to God!"
Though construction of this giant obelisk began in 1848, when James Polk
was President of the United States, it was not until 1888 that the monument
was inaugurated and opened to the public. It took twenty-five years to
finally cap the memorial with a tribute to the Father of our nation,
Laus Deo. "Praise be to God!"
>From atop this magnificent granite and marble structure, visitors may
take in the beautiful panoramic view of the city with its division into four
major segments. From that vantage point, one can also easily see the original
plan of the designer, Pierre Charles l'Enfant ..a perfect cross imposed upon
the landscape, with the White House to the north. The Jefferson Memorial
is to the south, the Capitol to the east and the Lincoln Memorial to the
A cross you ask? Why a cross? What about separation of church and state?
Yes, a cross; separation of church and state was not, is not, in the
Constitution. So, read on. How interesting and, no doubt, intended to
carry a profound meaning for those who bother to notice.
Praise be to God! Within the monument itself are 898 steps and 50 landings.
As one climbs the steps and pauses at the landings the memorial stones
share a message On the 12th Landing is a prayer offered by the City of
Baltimore; on the 20th is a memorial presented by some Chinese Christians;
on the 24th a presentation made by Sunday School children from New York
and Philadelphia quoting Proverbs 10:7, Luke 18:16 and Proverbs 22:6.
Praise be to God!
When the cornerstone of the Washington Monument was laid on July 4th,
1848, deposited within it were many items including the Holy Bible presented
by the Bible Society. Praise be to God! Such was the discipline, the
moral direction, and the spiritual mood given by the founder and first
President of our unique democracy "One Nation, Under God."
I am awed by Washington's prayer for America. Have you ever read it?
Well, now is your unique opportunity, so read on!
"Almighty God; We make our earnest prayer that Thou wilt keep the United
States in Thy holy protection; that Thou wilt incline the hearts of the citizens
to cultivate a spirit of subordination and obedience to government; and entertain
a brotherly affection and love for one another and for their fellow citizens
of the United States at large. And finally that Thou wilt most graciously
be pleased to dispose us all to do justice, to love mercy, and to demean
ourselves with that charity, humility, and pacific temper of mind which were
the characteristics of the Divine Author of our blessed religion, and without
a humble imitation of whose example in these things we can never hope to
be a happy nation. Grant our supplication, we beseech Thee, through Jesus
Christ our Lord. Amen."
When one stops to observe the inscriptions found in public places all
over our nation's capitol, he or she will easily find the signature of
God, as it is unmistakably inscribed everywhere you look. You may forget
the width and height of "Laus Deo", its location, or the architects
but no one who reads this will be able to forget its meaning, or these
words: "Unless the Lord builds the house its builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." (Psalm
It is hoped you will send this to every child you know; to every sister,
brother, father, mother or friend. They will not find offense, because
you have given them a lesson in history that they probably never learned
in school. With that, be not ashamed, or afraid, but have pity on those
who will never see this because someone failed to send it on.
: What is a Billion? Putting a Billion in Perspective
This is too true to be very funny. The next time you hear a politician
use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want
the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money. A billion is a difficult number
to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that
figure into some perspective in one of its releases.
1. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
2. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
3. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the
4. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two
5. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New
Orleans. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division Louisiana
Senator, Mary Landrieu, is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION
to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?
A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New
Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528,
B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans,
your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.
D.C ... HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken?? Tax his land,
Tax his wage, Tax his bed in which he lays. Tax his tractor, Tax
his mule, Teach him taxes is the rule. Tax his cow, Tax his goat,
Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his ties, Tax his shirts, Tax his
work, Tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he
tries to think. Tax his booze, Tax his beers, If he cries, Tax his
tears. Tax his bills, Tax his gas, Tax his notes, Tax his cash. Tax
him good and let him know, That after taxes, he has no dough. If
he hollers, Tax him more, Tax him until he's good and sore. Tax his
coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in which he lays. Put these words
upon his tomb, 'Taxes drove me to my doom!' And when he's gone, We
won't relax, We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!!
Accounts Receivable Tax, Building Permit Tax, CDL License Tax, Cigarette
Tax Corporate Income Tax, Dog License Tax, Federal Income Tax Federal
Unemployment Tax (FUTA), Fishing License Tax, Food License Tax Fuel Permit
Tax, Gasoline Tax, Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax,
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax), IRS Penalties (tax on top of
tax), Liquor Tax, Luxury Tax, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Property
Tax, Real Estate Tax, Service charge taxes, Social Security Tax, Road
Usage Tax (Truckers), Sales Taxes, Recreational Vehicle Tax, School Tax,
State Income Tax, State Unemployment Tax (SUTA), Telephone Federal Excise
Tax, Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax, Telephone Federal,
State and Local Surcharge Tax, Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax, Telephone State and
Local Tax, Telephone Usage Charge Tax, Utility Tax, Vehicle License Registration
Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft Registration Tax, Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago,
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely
no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom
stayed home to raise the kids. What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to 'press 1' for English.
VERY INTERESTING...I DIDN'T KNOW THIS.. Gives a person reason to appreciate
our American Symbol more deeply.
The story of the eagle
As I Mature.
New Bush Coins.
to Bawstin (Boston)
For those of you who have never been to "Bawstin",
this is a good guideline. I hope you will consider coming to "Beantown" in
the near future. For those who call New England home, this is just
Information on Boston and the surrounding area:
There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock
on Dock Square, no water on Water Street. Back Bay streets are in alphabetical "oddah":
Arlington, Berkeley,Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc. So are South Boston streets:
A, B, C, D, etc.
If the streets are named af ter trees (e.g. Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar),
you're on Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.
Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave; Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave; South
Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End.
East Boston is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End.
The West End and Scollay Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got
rid of them one night. Roxbury is The Burry, Jamaica Plain is J.P.
How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly
**Say it wrong, be shunned**
Worcester: Wuhsta (or Wistah)
Gloucester : Glawsta Leicester: Lesta Woburn: Wooban Dedham : Dead-um
Revere: Re-vee-ah Quincy: Quinzee Tewksbury : Tooks berry Leominster
: Lemin-sta Peabody: Pee-ba-dee Waltham : Walth-ham Chatham: Chaddum
Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set but nevah Summerset!
Definitions Frappes have ice cream, milkshakes don't.
If it is fizzy and flavored, it's tonic.
Soda is CLUB SODA.
"Pop" is DAD.
When w e want Tonic WATER, we will ask for TONIC WATER.
The smallest beer is a pint.
Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
If you paid more than $7/pound, you got scrod.
It's not a water fountain; it's a bubblah.
It's not a trashcan; it's a barrel.
It's not a shopping cart; it's a carriage.
It's not a purse; it's a pock-a-book.
They're not franks; they're haht dahgs; Franks are money in Switzahland.
Police don't drive patrol units or black and whites they drive a "crooza".
If you take the bus, your on the "looza crooza". It's not a
rubber band, it's an elastic. It's not a traffic circle, it's a rotary.
"Going to the islands" means Martha's Vineyard & Nantucket.
The Sox = The Red Sox The C's = The Celtics The B's = The Bruins The Pat's
=The Patriots Things no t to d o
Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd .. they'll tow it to Meffa (Medford)
or Summahville (Somerville).
Don't sleep on the Common. (Boston Common)
Don't wear Orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.
Things you should know There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two
courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new for each).
The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weatha' "Solid
blue, clear view...."
"Flashing blue, clouds due...."
"Solid red, rain ahead...."
"Flashing red, snow instead...." - except in summer;
flashing red mea ns the Red Sox game was rained out!
Most people live here all their life and still don't know what the hell
is going on with this one.
Route 128 is I-95 south. It's also I-93 north.
The underground train is not a subway. It's the "T", > and
it doesn't run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).
Order the "cold tea" in China Town after 2:00 am you'll get
a kettle full of beer.
Bostonians... think that it's their God-given right to cut off someone
Bostonians...think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no
R's) except in "idea".
Bostonians...think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a
Bostonians...refer to six inches of snow as a "dusting."
Bostonians...always "bang a left" as soon as the light turns
green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
B ostonians...believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
Bostonians...think that 63-degree ocean water is warm.
Bostonians...think Rhode Island accents are annoying.