you name that tune?
You're gonna kick yourself!!
Now I can't get that song (or that picture) outta
Always keep a smile on your face ... lets all your friends know
your heart's in the right place.
Subject: Russian Condoms
George Bush received a call from Russian President Putin. He says
to Bush, "Our largest condom factory has exploded. My people's
favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!" "Mr.
Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within
their power to help you," replied President Bush. "I
do need your help," said Putin. "Could you send 1,000,000
condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll
get right on it," said Bush. "Oh, and one more small
favor, please?" said Putin. ; "Yes?" said Bush. "Could
the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 2" in
diameter?" said Putin. "No problem," replied the
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how
those stupid Americans will fall for any thing. George Bush hung
up and called the CEO of a condom company. "I need a favor.
Can you send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia ?" "Consider
it done," replied the CEO of the condom company. "Good!
Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 2" in
diameter." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said
the President, "Print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE: SMALL' on
The object of the game is to move the red block
around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching
the black walls. If you can go longer than 18 seconds you
are phenomenal. It's been said that the US Air Force uses
this for fighter pilots. They are expected to go for at least
2 minutes. Delta Airlines uses it too!Give it a try, but
be careful...it is addictive!!
on Air Force Test
You Old Enough To Get This?
this bird walks into a store....
(I just love the way he runs once he has the bag)
A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing
chips from a neighborhood shop. The seagull waits until the
shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and
grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos. Once outside, the
bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds. The seagull's
shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped
into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself
to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He
always takes the same type of chips. Customers have begun
paying for the seagull's stolen bags of ch ips because they
think it's so funny.
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.
Year in Review
January: Took new scarf back to store because it was too
February: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels.....Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!
March: Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in
6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"
April: Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went
May: Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8
cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June: Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake
with a slope.
July: Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned
later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August: Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car
swamped because soft-top was open.
September: The capital of California is "C".....isn't
October: Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November: Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions
said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December: Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh".....there's
no "eleven" Button on the stupid phone!!!
THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR...
A man was in his front yard mowing grass
when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house
and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed
it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came
out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened
it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came
out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed
it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked
her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There
certainly is!" (Are you ready? This is a beauty...) My stupid
computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
See A Panda Grow?
Cool Videos &
you are so inclined, visit
the Department of Defense
web page below and sign a
brief message thanking the
men and women of the U.S.
military services for defending
our freedom. The compiled
list of names will be sent
out to our soldiers at the
end of the month. It takes
only about 10 seconds.
Soldier's Thoughts. Click
hold our troops in your loving
hands. Protect them as they
protect us. Bless them and
their families for the selfless
acts they perform for us
in our time of need. I ask
this in the name of GOD our
Lord and Savior. Amen."
about my son: Marine Sgt. Matthew Chandler
a fallen marine
SGT Matthew Chandler
My Son is Home!!!
Ovarian Cancer Whispers - so listen...
- Watch for Pelvic or abdominal pain or discomfort;
- vague but persistent gastrointestinal upsets such as
gas, nausea, and indigestion;
- frequency and/or urgency of urination in the absence
of an infection;
- unexplained weight gain or weight loss;
- pelvic and/or abdominal swelling,
- bloating and/or feeling of fullness;
- ongoing unusual fatigue; or
- unexplained changes in bowel habits.
If symptoms persist for more than 2 weeks, ask your doctor for a combination
pelvic/rectal exam, CA-125 blood test, and transvaginal ultrasound.
A Pap Test WILL NOT detect ovarian cancer
IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ALL WOMEN FROM OUR GOOD FRIEND AND SURVIVOR,
Just wanted to send out a reminder for you when you go for your annual
1. DEMAND the CA-125
2. Get a number reading established in your record
for future comparisons.
3. Have this test every year.
FYI, mine was 36 six months before my cancer introduced itself! It
is a fast growing little sucker, so be smart. But you can avoid ALL
cancer just by keeping your body alkaline. Do the research and practice
good nutrition. You will be healthy! I am! It is easy
Hospital Bill In Congress
If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, you may know that there
is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are
trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women
the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.
There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which
will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital
stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating
the "drive-through mastectomy" where women are forced
to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes
of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with
drainage tubes still attached.
Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition
drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed
on. PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below.
You need not give more than your name and zip code number. www.lifetimetv.com/health/breast_mastectomy_pledge.html This
takes about 10 seconds.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family, on behalf of all women